I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
