He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
