So drunk its hurt
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
