Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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