Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
