More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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