its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
