My hair reeks of homosexuality.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
