I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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