3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
