yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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