I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
