I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
