I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
