Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
