The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
