My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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