she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
