Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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