I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can't motorboat a personality
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
