i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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