How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
