I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
