please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
