You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
