Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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