Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
