im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
