I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
