wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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