honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
