just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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