After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
