remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
