Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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