She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
