The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
