So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
