Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
