I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
