I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
