The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
