yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
