His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
