He had one of those small greek statue penises
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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