last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
