last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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