There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
