My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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