No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
