Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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