What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
